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Over the coming weeks I will gradually introduce you to the goings on at Ruby Farmhouse.

1st comes the latest saga with what is known either by the name “Working Wendy” or “Moaning Myrtle”. For the purpose of this chapter she will be known as “Moaning Myrtle”. Moaning Myrtle is one of the 1st P38 Range Rovers off the production line and for any Landy person out there, they will know this can be an expensive and rocky journey. Moaning Myrtle was acquired about 5 years ago when we were on holiday in the South of France (our only hot holiday I might add…..ever) completely sozzled, about midnight and for the sum of 4,700, nearly 47,000 until our 9 year old daughter pointed out the extra zero, (she has her uses) without viewing or conversation with the seller, not a single question asked we clicked on BUY, and the deal was done, much to the surprise of the seller (another story).

So the journey began, after several thousand being spent on her we came to an understanding, Moaning Myrtle is only happy if she had at least one warning light on, if you fix the cause of her warning light then another will immediately come on, so we’ve come to a compromise, she is allowed one on at all times as long as she continues to pootle along from A to B every time she’s asked.

This worked up until a week last Monday (had to be a Monday) when, with no warning light, or otherwise she decided she wanted serious attention and I had no choice but to give it.

As I sauntered out of a well known supermarket weighed down with shopping I glanced at the then Working Wendy and thought the inside looked at bit, shall I say, hazy, interesting I thought, as I got closer I could barely see the dogs in the back shaking with fear as the now Moaning Myrtle was full to bursting with smoke. I have no idea why I did what I did next, but I did. I opened her up and put the shopping in before getting the dogs out. I’ll never know why, so don’t ask. The next daft move was to try to contact my husband via Skype (wonderful tool) in Afghanistan, why I hear you shout, yes why I ask myself, what good is he going to be, I should be used to the fact he’s never here for a drama. Finally I come to my senses and ring the garage, they know us very well for some reason. Through the laughter the reply was spluttered, ‘ a fuse has gone you say, well I’m sure you’ll be fine, just wait for the smoke to stop smoking, we’re a bit busy so we’ll see you a week Friday.’ Great I hear myself mutter as 2 dogs totaling 90 kilos strain at their leads to get further from Moaning Myrtle. So after calming the 3 of us down, through gritted teeth and shaking from head to foot we made our way home. Praying all the way. I now find myself on the fateful day when I’m due to get back into Moaning Myrtle and take her to the garage where no doubt I will be told ‘ Ooo, you’re lucky you didn’t go up in flames, before being handed a ginormous bill.